It’s only natural to want to help if you know someone who experiences anxiety.
Whether it’s your child, an adult friend, a partner, or a family member whom you love, it makes sense that you want to take away their worries, alleviate their fears and have them feel comfortable.
But there’s a big difference between the things that can help and sayings or statements that can actually do more harm than good, even if they’re said with the best of intentions.
With that in mind, here are 10 things to avoid saying to someone with anxiety…
Toughen up
It might be well meaning and a throwback to an era of tough love, but telling someone who is experiencing anxiety to ‘toughen up’ implies anxiety is a ‘weakness’ and a ‘choice’ - neither of which are true.
Don’t worry
The person experiencing anxiety would love nothing more than to be calm and not worry but in that moment at that time it’s a feeling they’re struggling to shake.
Telling them to simply cast that aside might make them feel unheard or that their feelings are being dismissed.
Be positive
Telling someone to just ‘be positive’ can also indicate their feelings are invalid and may make them feel more isolated in that moment of anxiety.
It’s not that bad
Statements such as ‘it’s not that bad’, or ‘other people have it far worse’ tend to minimise the person’s feelings, making it seem that what they are experiencing is unwarranted or irrational.
It’s in your head
This is another statement that invalidates what the person is experiencing, making it seem their reaction isn’t real and is their fault.
I know how you feel
This well meaning statement tends to shift the focus from the person experiencing anxiety to the comforter, making it ‘all about you’.
It’s also important to appreciate the things that trigger anxiety and the way that anxiety feels are incredibly personal.
You should be more confident
Anxiety and confidence have little in common. Instead the focus should be on helping someone address their underlying fears, rather than telling them how they ‘should be’.
What’s making you anxious?
As much as this question comes from a genuinely caring place, it can potentially make the person feel the need to explain their anxiety, which can be difficult and triggering.
You’re overreacting
Again, this is a statement that invalidates the person’s experience, implying that what they are feeling is their fault and isn’t real.
You should…
While advice about what someone should do might come from the best possible place, everyone’s experience of anxiety is different. What worked for you or someone you know may not work for the person you;re trying to assist.
What to do instead
When supporting a loved one who experiences anxiety, it’s important to validate their feelings while letting them know you are available and ‘in their corner’.
Remind them they are not alone, and offer hope and encouragement that they can get through this.
If they have tools and strategies which tend to work for them, help direct them towards the proven techniques that can assist, such as breathing, mantras, or in the case of children, a toy they find comfort in.
Most importantly, it’s not about rushing to find a quick fix, but instead allowing them the time and space to work through the anxiety and overcome it.
How Kitty & Raffy can help
Kitty & Raffy is an Australian brand that’s all about enhancing children's emotional wellbeing. Our flagship product, "Comfort Me Raffy," is a safety-certified emotional support toy designed to help kids manage anxiety.
You can view our full range of products here.
